Usually, I do a bit of work on Sunday nights so it’s not a shock to my system come Monday mornings, but I’m struggling tonight…
…
You see your blessings, the gift of life,
the joy and the fun of all around you.
Then, your mind wanders, you remember
those with us who are no longer.
Some things don’t make sense;
it is God’s dominion
Still, I think, if I understand,
if it makes sense, perhaps…
It can only be what I supposed
I repressed, and it has resurfaced.
I am feeling guilty for my own
blessing of a second chance.
But, it is guilt that isn’t mine;
nobody’s to take and carry.
I had chosen the will to stay,
to keep the faith and the fight.
Yet,
the thought,
the feeling,
they linger.
…
I’ve had too much introspection for the week and weekend, so I spent a couple of hours on TikTok to pass time. Everyone seems so happy on TikTok. Everyone is having a lot of fun. How do I feel about that? How do I feel, in general?
It seems unfair.
I can still laugh. I still have the support of my community there. I feel loved. I can still escape there and then come back.
Others can longer feel the love, care and support meant for them.
I’m hoping it’s just the stormy weather…
Crossroads and Conquests 
I think people who are naturally sensitive (what some people call intuitive and others label psychic) feel something is definitely amiss in the world.
There is the Covid-19 going on and then if America elects the Biden-Harris ticket this Tuesday, the U.S. will become a Communist dictatorship and the lynchpin of a global totalitarian Marxist-Leninist New World Order.
The only other person on the planet who seems to see this (other than my fictional character of British MP Renfield R. Renfield who sadly doesn’t exist in reality) is Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano the man who exposed Pope Francis’ connection with the pedophile Communist homosexual predatry Cardinal Theodore McCarrick (the man who negotiated the original Vatican-Communist China deal that the Vatican just renewed) back in the summer of 2018.
A global technocratic dictatorship acting in the name of health will soon be imposing a total draconian lockdown across the planet.
So it’s no wonder that sensitive, intuitive and psychicly inclined people are feeling depressed these days.
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Read tonight’s blog post that I wrote called Renfield’s Sunday Podcast On Covid Communism.
The other day this sort of really weird movie like plot idea entered my mind and on a lark, I asked a couple of Chinese friends of mine who can read and understand the Chinese language to just see what they could come up with by examining on-line Chinese websites.
I and my friends thought it wouldn’t probably show anything the way I thought it and I got a call from both yesterday that they had found what I theorized on a far out limb was in fact indeed the case much to their great shock and to mine.
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Oh, Chris, that is disastrous! I don’t know/understand how this is happening, how we, people of the world, is letting this happen. I have feared China is up to something. I can’t believe we have to live through this. I hope not. We need that revolution that Ayn Rand wrote about.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me, for offering an explanation, a possibility. At least, I’m not insane. Much love.
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For some reason my reply showed up below my comment rather than your reply.
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Hello Anne. I get the poem, probably more than you think.
I was just recently considering my own good fortune, as well as that sense of “failing” someone else. 20/20 hindsight can be that way. But probably best not to invest too much contemplation on things one can’t change.
Best wishes to you. (ツ)b
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Thank you so much, dear friend. I was asking myself that… I was asking if it’s right to find any fun to cast aside the gloom. You could be spot on. For now, I shall do my utmost not to dwell on it.
I was just listening to some songs reminiscent of my Lasallian days. The Lasallian green blood might be running through my brains a little too dominantly.
And then this…
You don’t have to go to the songs. I think I’m looking for some sort of explanation still for how I am. When I see it as having had the Lasallian spirit ingrained in me, it is a worthy cause and it gives me courage and the will to march on… I suppose.
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Fascinating… I didn’t know much about La Salle before this. I watched the clips, and ended up reading a couple of articles. “Purpose”, seems to be a common theme. I get it.
I’m perhaps the product of a more laid-back and secular US West-Coast culture (and a state University), Can’t say whether that’s a “good” thing or a “bad” thing. But that’s not to say that finding some meaning in life hasn’t been any less important (or vexing).
BTW, I just found your YouTube page and watched the clip about your blogs. Wow! You have a fantastic family! And I love the sense of character that came through… with everyone.
And yes… we all have to march on. At least it’s good to be able to enjoy the journey every now and then. Good cheer to you!
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