Shorts · Thoughts

Do I care?

To care or not to care?

I took one of those Facebook quizzes. Apparently, I am the caregiver! I am the “mother figure: the selfless caregiver and helper“.

Me? Caregiver? Never!

Back in the good ol’ days, the quiz’s result wouldn’t have been so incredulous as I was naive and gullible. I was even a people-pleasing person. However, as years go by, life happens and, intended or not, people end up disappointing me… us. We get hurt. We take down the white picket fences and build high walls around us instead. Some of us even have electric fencing on top of the 3-meter wall. We make sure the thieves cannot come in to our home. They steal our hearts.

No, it isn’t easy to trust. We learn to care less for the people we love. We don’t care much about our own people and all the people the world over.

But do we really care less? Or not at all?

Fellow blogger, Tony, posted about care: How much care is there available. I commented that some of us do not have the capacity to care. We are simply not in the position to sympathize. I said something similar to “putting my own oxygen mask first”. So, once I have my mask on, do I have the time, and energy to put other people’s masks for them? What if they are quite capable of caring for themselves? Should we feel “less good” for not having sympathy for all that need care in the world?Care (2)

There are just far too many people in the world and there are too many things going on at the same time. It might not be a problem for many but some of us, with mental health issues, are better off without feeling the need to care for the world. I don’t think I can I really care for all and stay sane. Can I? Maybe…

 

I think we do care even when we don’t want to. And sometimes, we only pretend we don’t care. Other times, we really don’t care. I don’t know…

I just have to leave it here. For now.

 

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6 thoughts on “Do I care?

  1. “I think we do care even when we don’t want to.” How true, how true! I, too, have been struggling recently with the “all-caring, all-supportive” approach that I have had much of my life. I have always rushed in to offer help to family, friends, neighbors, children, especially if I can see the potential in them. But, sadly, not only does it overextend oneself, I discovered that it also can create distance between us, as the person sees me in a ROLE of support person and not as a PERSON, which can keep us at arm’s length. Recently (after discussions about this in therapy) I am trying a different approach, which is to ask myself, do I want to jump in and “fix” this issue, organize this problem, etc. FIRST. And now I’m trying to seek out more true connections between me and the other person, rather than defaulting to being the helper, striving to be more intentional about how I decide to interact with a situation, instead of jumping in by default! Cheers, my friend, we are in this together! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Knowing what I know about you, I can imagine how exhausted you get at times. I can’t even get to the helping being incapable of doing so. The plate is too full… which could be in my head. 😀 I never thought of it as you said: creating distance. It makes a lot of sense. Luckily, we can adjust how we live our life. We also learn from what we experience. Thank you so much for your wise words, my friend. 🤗💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hah! I have my therapist to thank for the conclusion that being of service too much does not help me to feel more connected personally with the person I’m serving. (Not that she said it, but in our discussion it came up…) I was saying how I really look forward to the personal feeling of connection you get when confiding in a friend about something that’s troubling you, and that they can relate and help you feel better by sharing a similar difficulty. Which is NOT what you feel when you’re doing service for others, it’s a different feeling, you still feel good, but it’s more that you’ve helped them, not that you’ve connected on a personal level. You know? Anyway, that’s when it dawned on me to try for the personal connections over shared experiences more than the service-level connections that felt less personal. Long story, but thank you, my friend, for your very nice message about it. 🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It makes a whole lot of sense, my dear friend. You’re right. There are two different feelings there. It’s almost like happiness and joy. Almost the same but different. 😊 The satisfaction is deeper and I suppose more lasting. Connections are definitely the better way to go and we still help in the process. It’s a double win. 🤗💖

        Liked by 1 person

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