Thoughts

Sick in limbo

Sometimes, I wish someone will just appear, out of nowhere even, and give me the magic potion that will cure my ailments and keep them away from me for years!

I don’t write about what I’m going to write now because I am fully aware of the [over]sensitivity of some people or groups of people. I fear that I will be severely criticized for perceived insensitivity. However, there are times when I really feel that I should be booked off on disability. I am always sick that I don’t feel able to do what I used to do and what I normally am capable of doing without much effort.

I was never a sickly person. I hardly took sick leave. I even used to go to work when I was unwell. I was a typical woman who didn’t say, “I’m sick.” I also had a lot of stress then. I blame aging but hubby says I’m not old enough to blame my age. I don’t know why then.

I have always been the “eater” that I am now. I probably ate more junk 10 years ago. I even drank alcohol and I smoked! I went out partying and I had less sleep than what I get now.

So, yes. I want in my reality the fantasy I write about. I want magic. I want spells. I want that world where I can make my illness disappear and for good.

But I am not a witch and I don’t have powers. I miss my youth. I miss the old times when I was as healthy as a horse.

Then, when I thought it couldn’t get worse, the road nightmares to which I am subjected daily pushed me to the edge and I broke down. I know… do you know of anyone who had a nervous breakdown because of the frustration from traffic? Probably not.

I suppose the situation would have been slightly different if I didn’t have fear in my heart. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had a break down if I didn’t dread the anger or sarcasm or even rudeness of someone when I am unavoidably held up in traffic and thus late for work.

However, could it be also that it was just a catalyst?

Could it be that I have been harboring frustration, irritation, anger, sadness, hopelessness, etc. and I just couldn’t keep those negative feelings anymore?

Was it simply the time to release the pent up emotions, whether I liked it or not?

In short, I’m back on my “happy pills”. Hopefully, six months on medication will do wonders for the wiring of my brain.

I hope you’ll stick around.

Thank you for all the support always.

 

Much love and hugs,

Anne

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11 thoughts on “Sick in limbo

  1. Stay strong, my friend! I mean, that you are so authentic and heartfelt in your writing and your blog posts. I admire you courage to speak about what is happening to you, and that encourages other people to speak out as well. Know you are loved! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Theresa. I think that’s why I share here because I know that there are so many kind souls and the love, care and support is tremendous. I get my strength from my loving community. Much love to you and warm hugs. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. *Hugs* Writers are sensitive creatures – we feel everything – and when we are feeling too much, everything becomes too much. Stay strong – remember you’re titanium (love the song from Sia), though even that isn’t always enough with the traffic on our roads.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, Ronel. Oh yes, that song gets me pumped up and I forget the mess around me. πŸ™‚
      Fortunately, I’ve gotten this far, halfway, and I’m closer to the end of the bridge ahead of me than behind me, as with Shrek and Donkey. πŸ™‚
      The love and support from everyone help a lot, too. Much love and hugs. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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