I’m having second thoughts about the value of rumination.
I did a whole lot of pondering last year and I ended up back on the couch. It wasn’t such a bad thing as I realized that I was not (1) clinically depressed, (2) crazy, (3) lost, and (4) hopeless. Still, I decided that perhaps it is best not to ruminate too much.
Instead, as the new year was ushered in, I went back to Journaling, or something similar as my written thoughts are summarized. I do have an issue with time; there is little of it.
I have random thoughts, with sporadic sprinkling of contemplation.
January 2017 went something like this…
Last year, I set a goal to properly grow up; I doubt I was highly successful. Still, it doesn’t stop me from setting more goals this year. I’d like to believe that I have the capacity to surprise myself every day.
Being a writer
[1st week] This year, I’m going to be as much a writer as I am an accountant, even when no one agrees with me…
I changed my mind; I’m going to be more a writer than an Accountant. I knew the decision was made when I chose a new, more portable laptop sans the numerical keypad and gave up my old, heavier and bulkier one that was convenient for typing numbers and viewing Excel spreadsheets.
[2nd week] I question my being a writer. I don’t write as often I should. I don’t even write as often I would like. I have an issue with time.
Oh well, at least I don’t have time to have a writer’s block. I don’t have such an abundance of time that I would run out of words to write before time runs out.
[1st week] Surely, one cannot be expected so early in the new year to be mindful of day-to-day life.
The memory of Christmas holidays is still fresh. The smell of holiday leftover permeates the air.
More importantly, the body needs to recover from all the excitement and the brain needs to awaken from slumber and re-start.
[2nd week] I’m not crazy about getting up early in the morning, braving the city traffic and going to a job that isn’t a dream. Then again, how many of us really are living a dream life? Be honest!
I may wish for a better version of my life but I’m not complaining as what I have is a good enough reason to be grateful.
No double standards
[2nd week] My now isn’t exactly like the universal now. When I say I’m going to sleep now, the actual sleeping only happens 2 hours later. (Thus, I never get enough sleep.)
The same thing applies when I say I’ll be there now.
At least, I don’t have double standards.
Lethargic so soon
[2nd/3rd week] Life, work and ‘stuff’ happened… but why must lethargy follow?
Lethargy has the capacity, even power, to dominate life but only if we let it.
I must fight the temptation to have a relaxation overload. But, if and when I fall into the state of sluggishness, whether real or imagined, I need to accept my shortcoming, forgive myself and let go. It’s the only way to get moving and keep going again.
It’s like falling on our knees; a temporary setback can turn into a permanent failure if we do not pick ourselves up from the fall.
Ordinary zombie days
[3rd week] Work and mommy duties started as school opened for the year… and I am left with not much to say about the week. I did catch up briefly with my good friend, Manisha, at the Cedar Square night market and I had the best French Macarons again.
Inspired and energized like a New Year
[3rd/4th week] Is it because of the anticipated Chinese New Year? Hmm…
The week started on a gratitude-filled Sunday and I was feeling energized and confident that I goals are easily within reach so I was raring to make things happen. I had been toying with the idea of my ‘Alt.Exe’ and I decided to go ahead with it before the January energy and drive dissipated.
Similarly, I have felt that I need a venue for my rants and rages especially with respect to living in the city; Johannesburg, specifically. I’m calling it, ‘My City Life’. I added that category. I guess I can post some fun and funny stuff under this category, too. However, life, once again, happened and I haven’t really had the energy to post entries there. This city can tire me to the bone.
Perfection isn’t a requirement
[4th week] Prove me wrong, but I think there is no such as thing “Perfect.”; no unqualified perfection. So, if you’re not perfect, don’t beat yourself up. If you’re good enough, congratulate yourself. If you have a good man, one who’s not perfect but perfect for you, appreciate him and keep him. Know what’s real and what’s an illusion. You might just find bliss beyond belief and perfect peace.
A little spoiling is fine, really
[4th week] I shouldn’t apologize for spoiling [my] children a little, really. Tell me with conviction that spoiling kids is equivalent to abusing (all forms, molestation included) them and I’ll be a hard-ass disciplinarian. And, I shouldn’t apologize for having been spoiled a little by my parents and grandparents. I’m lucky. Other children were/are abused. So, yeah, I’m sure you perfect parents can give us a break!
And then, in a blink of an eye, even the Chinese New Year was over.
February was sure in a rush to get cracking…