Thoughts

To ruminate or not to ruminate

I’m having second thoughts about the value of rumination.

I did a whole lot of pondering last year and I ended up back on the couch. It wasn’t such a bad thing as I realized that I was not (1) clinically depressed, (2) crazy, (3) lost, and (4) hopeless. Still, I decided that perhaps it is best not to ruminate too much.

Instead, as the new year was ushered in, I went back to Journaling, or something similar as my written thoughts are summarized. I do have an issue with time; there is little of it.

I have random thoughts, with sporadic sprinkling of contemplation.

January 2017 went something like this…

Surprising myself

Last year, I set a goal to properly grow up; I doubt I was highly successful. Still, it doesn’t stop me from setting more goals this year. I’d like to believe that I have the capacity to surprise myself every day.

Being a writer

[1st week] This year, I’m going to be as much a writer as I am an accountant, even when no one agrees with me…

I changed my mind; I’m going to be more a writer than an Accountant. I knew the decision was made when I chose a new, more portable laptop sans the numerical keypad and gave up my old, heavier and bulkier one that was convenient for typing numbers and viewing Excel spreadsheets.

[2nd week] I question my being a writer. I don’t write as often I should. I don’t even write as often I would like. I have an issue with time.

Oh well, at least I don’t have time to have a writer’s block.  I don’t have such an abundance of time that I would run out of words to write before time runs out.

Mindfulness

[1st week] Surely, one cannot be expected so early in the new year to be mindful of day-to-day life.

The memory of Christmas holidays is still fresh. The smell of holiday leftover permeates the air.

More importantly, the body needs to recover from all the excitement and the brain needs to awaken from slumber and re-start.

Good enough

[2nd week] I’m not crazy about getting up early in the morning, braving the city traffic and going to a job that isn’t a dream. Then again, how many of us really are living a dream life? Be honest!

I may wish for a better version of my life but I’m not complaining as what I have is a good enough reason to be grateful.

No double standards

[2nd week] My now isn’t exactly like the universal now. When I say I’m going to sleep now, the actual sleeping only happens 2 hours later. (Thus, I never get enough sleep.)

The same thing applies when I say I’ll be there now.

At least, I don’t have double standards.

Lethargic so soon

[2nd/3rd week] Life, work and ‘stuff’ happened… but why must lethargy follow?

Lethargy has the capacity, even power, to dominate life but only if we let it.

I must fight the temptation to have a relaxation overload. But, if and when I fall into the state of sluggishness, whether real or imagined, I need to accept my shortcoming, forgive myself and let go. It’s the only way to get moving and keep going again.

It’s like falling on our knees; a temporary setback can turn into a permanent failure if we do not pick ourselves up from the fall.

Ordinary zombie days

[3rd week] Work and mommy duties started as school opened for the year… and I am left with not much to say about the week. I did catch up briefly with my good friend, Manisha, at the Cedar Square night market and I had the best French Macarons again.

Inspired and energized like a New Year

[3rd/4th week] Is it because of the anticipated Chinese New Year? Hmm…

The week started on a gratitude-filled Sunday and I was feeling energized and confident that I goals are easily within reach so I was raring to make things happen. I had been toying with the idea of my ‘Alt.Exe’ and I decided to go ahead with it before the January energy and drive dissipated.

Similarly, I have felt that I need a venue for my rants and rages especially with respect to living in the city; Johannesburg, specifically. I’m calling it, ‘My City Life’. I added that category. I guess I can post some fun and funny stuff under this category, too. However, life, once again, happened and I haven’t really had the energy to post entries there. This city can tire me to the bone.

Perfection isn’t a requirement

[4th week] Prove me wrong, but I think there is no such as thing “Perfect.”; no unqualified perfection. So, if you’re not perfect, don’t beat yourself up. If you’re good enough, congratulate yourself. If you have a good man, one who’s not perfect but perfect for you, appreciate him and keep him. Know what’s real and what’s an illusion. You might just find bliss beyond belief and perfect peace.

A little spoiling is fine, really

[4th week] I shouldn’t apologize for spoiling [my] children a little, really. Tell me with conviction that spoiling kids is equivalent to abusing (all forms, molestation included) them and I’ll be a hard-ass disciplinarian. And, I shouldn’t apologize for having been spoiled a little by my parents and grandparents. I’m lucky. Other children were/are abused. So, yeah, I’m sure you perfect parents can give us a break!

And then, in a blink of an eye, even the Chinese New Year was over.

Time flies!

February was sure in a rush to get cracking…

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18 thoughts on “To ruminate or not to ruminate

  1. We said somewhere in one of our posts : time flies when you are on the move!
    And indeed you are. So don’t kick yourself. Don’t just make a list of what you DID NOT do. Make one of what you have done, including the mommie duties. You’d be surprised!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, makes sense! We always have long lists of things to do and we only scratch out things done. Maybe once done, we should move to a list of things done. 😆 Thank you. ☺💖🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Anne, another really intriguing post! I like how you incorporated the insights and observations made AT THE TIME through your journal. It gave this post such a sense of immediacy, rather than as though one was looking back. Really fun. You included both the feeling of moving forward, and, at times, moving slightly backward – but only temporarily! I especially liked your section on Perfectionism: “So, if you’re not perfect, don’t beat yourself up.” And … you ARE a writer! – even if you are not writing as often as you like. Every time you write you are affirming yourself as a writer! Yay! 🙂 HUGS –

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, Theresa. I think it’s my way of keeping “notes to self”, when I started writing them. This way, I imprint in my head and maybe being stuff that will keep the positive. At the same time, writing is a way to let go of what must go. I’m finding ways that work best… looking for life’s secrets. 😃 Oh, and definitely convincing myself of the “other stuff” that bring in doubts; thus, perfection and being a writer. Fortunately for me, you and many here given enough encouragement to have more faith and keep going. Much love and hugs to you dear friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ooh, my friend, today was one of those days. I thought we would have a fight. Haha. He must learn to use punctuation marks on his messages and speak properly. Lol.
        Thank you for the hugs. I managed and survived another day.😃

        Liked by 1 person

      2. He said, and I quote, “it’s your own interpretation.” I gave up. 😃
        I started replying to your email and dint finish yet. My long emails… 😂 You’ll get it tomorrow at the latest. 🤗💖

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I love that you are an accountant. I suppose there’s no chance of moving to a new job? I know it may be tough in S. Africa, depending on the economy. I just had a friend who found a job through LinkedIn, actually … here in the States, but it worked out super-well for her, since the job she was in had become unbearable. She’s a librarian. … 🙂 you’ve probably already tried but it would be lovely if you went somewhere you were appreciated. ! ! :: HUGS :: my friend!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. We’re trying… USA especially. We do think it will be a better lifestyle, and future for the little one. For now, we’re looking at various options. Praying… Thanks so much, my dear friend. I have faith 💖🤗

        Liked by 1 person

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