Poetry

Ten Years and More

I do have regrets
I can’t run away from.
After all, more than
ten years have come
and gone
and ten years
certainly is
a long time;
not to forget
I was young.

It was expected
some mistakes
I would make,
although they can’t
be reversed,
I know somehow
the present can
be different.

We had four years
of utter silence,
when what we had
seemed irrelevant.
Yet, in retrospect,
those years went
to waste;
they shouldn’t have.
One childish
decision that should
not have been
made, but
made they were,
as though for us,
they were meant.

I dare not
make sense of
previous events
even choices.
It makes no difference
to know why and how
into nothingness
we faded.
Such was of the past
and it was temporary.
They matter no more.
Happily, it does
feel like
ten years before.

Unquestionably,
I was convinced
of what I felt.
What was there
first time we met
was indeed real
so absolutely true
that it feels like
only a day ago.

Of course, ten years
did change us
physically, perhaps
even our thoughts
and perceptions no longer
hold true, although
only ever slightly so
and nothing much else,
for we’re both here
and in our friendship
we have remained.

I wish to not
over-analyze the past.
What happened
is unimportant
if I carry it not,
neither to
the present nor
the future.
Right now, today
is what’s significant.

I move from
whatever fears
I once had or
I will lose the second
chance I have.

No longer shall I
entertain
any hesitation
for another ten years
will make me
insane.
What now feels right
I will not question,
in my future there
will be no regrets
tolerable.

Through the years
I have learned
that I need to
take risks
to get to my dreams.
A good thing
deserves nothing less
than all of me.
The best things in life
do not come easy.

If once I held you
so dear to my heart
and once again
you are with me,
I surely cannot
hesitate in fear,
thinking that I
could be mistaken.

And if by chance,
it is not meant to be,
at least I know
I did not hold
back cowardly.
Instead on my ground
I firmly stood,
believing what we had
was worth it all.

There is no doubt
whatsoever,
and denying exists
no longer,
it is love I feel,
and this love,
unconditionally,
to you I give.
There really is none
I would want more
than with you
I would grow old.

© Anna Jailene Aguilar-Van Der Merwe
Throwback post
Originally written in April 2006
(in a different format)
Also posted in January 2016
(in another format)
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