Thoughts

disappointed and betrayed

The thing with disappointment is that it is usually dished out to you by those you care about the most, your special people. The more appropriate word is probably betrayal.

It is not that people outside of life’s inner circle do not disappoint us. They do not betray us though.

Rapists, murderers and all other criminals, especially those who commit crimes against babies and children, make me question God’s intentions. There are also other times when I question God’s existence. But, evil doesn’t only disappoint me. The scum of the earth disgusts me and sends me wishing I had a super power that can wipe them out. It’s a different story for another time though.

There are also many other people in our lives who wrong us but they don’t leave us disappointed or sad because they are not significant enough in our world. The disappointment is almost expected especially for a pessimist. We are indifferent to how the inconsequential others treat us because we don’t really care about them and our lives stay the same with or without them.

A disappointment caused, whether deliberate or not, by those dear to us unquestionably hurt us; only the magnitude of the pain differs. Depending on the deed, we might be left sadly disappointed or feeling absolutely betrayed. We are saddened because we love them (a lot), or at least like (a lot), and we know that we won’t disappoint them because they are special to us. We take it for granted that they feel exactly the same way we do and thus expect that they would also only treat us with love and care. We fail to consider that perhaps we love/like them (a lot) more than they love/like us.

We give family, friends and loved ones (a lot) more love and all that love entails than what we give acquaintances and strangers, which is pretty normal. We believe, or at least we hope, that they will give us back  the same. But some don’t! They treat us worse than we treat strangers.

We are left disillusioned.

We feel betrayed. Trust has been broken.

We may tell ourselves that we will no longer be considerate, kind and generous.

We may resolve to not be extraordinarily understanding and tolerant anymore.

We may say that we will treat everyone equally – no exception, not even family and relatives.

However, I know that we should not allow others and their actions to affect us.  Nothing others do should change how we view and do things.  No one should cause us to modify our perspective, beliefs and values.

But, how else do we avoid, or at least minimize, disappointments?

It is not easy to simply accept the transgression.  Do we pretend it’s okay?  Shouldn’t we be real and not only acknowledge but also express our feelings, although negative.

Say we manage to convince ourselves that we are the bigger person, after the acceptance, would we be able to effortlessly continue to give love and care to those who trampled on our hearts?  I am sure it is doable, but is it not unnatural?

When I was a teenager, my mother told me how she loves and cares. I suppose she was hoping I would choose the high road, too. She said to me that there is nothing to extending love to a loving person. It does not make me a good person to return love for love. She told me that to continue to be kind to and love someone despite that person’s disregard for the love given to him is what makes a difference and that should make him realize what he could lose and correct his ways. My response was that I would give so much love to the person who loves me but if he hates me, I would hate him even more. An eye for an eye seemed to be my preferred choice.

I don’t know if I have changed much. Perhaps not. Maybe it takes a grown up – a mature person – to be loving, kind and understanding, unconditionally.

Probably, I am still getting there.

It could be this year that I would endeavor to be different, even extraordinary, when I am completely comfortable and at peace with me and who I am. Then, disappointments would not affect me.

For now though, I will not feel bad to call a spade a spade. You transgress, you take accountability. There is no beating around the bush.

If you take money that’s not yours without permission, and a whole lot of it, don’t expect tact. It’s theft.

Because a loan involves two parties – one asks and the other gives, and only if the latter is able to give and the terms of payment have been discussed and agreed upon.

You do not take what’s not yours without authorization and then deliberately deceive when asked. You were trusted and you betrayed the very same person who trusted you. That’s just despicable!

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6 thoughts on “disappointed and betrayed

  1. Suan: yes! I value trust so much that if it is lost, it can be really hard for me to give it again. I always say this to Mel, don’t lose my trust or else! But seriously this hurts more if it is family or really close friends and I sure had quite a few scars too!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anne, as you so often do in your writing, your raw description of emotion is very powerful. Disappointment, betrayal . . . these are difficult and painful emotions. I especially liked your phrase “We fail to consider that perhaps we love/like them (a lot) more than they love/like us.” Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Theresa. It’s probably easy when you go through it.

      This is “out of schedule” but I feel for my father who trusted my cousin so much and her son (not sure if she really didn’t know) “stole” 15 signed blank cheques (and she didn’t inform the bank and stop the so called stolen cheques) and he cashed them, taking about $7,500 in total.. and that’s over and above over lending them about $2,500. It’s awful. I couldn’t sleep. I could see he also couldn’t sleep as the group conversation was active and he was reading them. It’s not my money but it’s from his hard work, his sweat, and he was starting to save for retirement. You know what’s so painful is several hours later, my cousin still hasn’t replied to my father’s question why she didn’t stop the cheques when she knew they were stolen. This was going on from August last year. Thing is my father is in Botswana and this is happening in the Philippines and he trusted her. They’ve been looking after his finances for 5 years. But they’ve been desperate for money since last year. Still, sometimes, family can be so heartless.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh my gosh, that is horrible. Just horrible. And especially when it’s family who do the betraying. The feeling of pain on your father’s face must have been so hard to see. 😦 I’m so sorry to hear it. For me, your posting echoed a family betrayal I’ve been faced with, not involving finances, but involving time and relationship with a young granddaughter (age 5) being cut off with no apparently explanation, other than apparent selfishness, on the part of the mother. I think that is why this piece really touched me deeply. It’s just so upsetting. Thank you! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It was awful for me to see. I’ve always known him to be able to express his anger but he was just quiet. It’s like he didn’t even know what to think let alone say.

        It’s horrible – people’s selfish and inconsiderate nature. I can only imagine how it must be for you. I know of the same “no-reason-to-be-a-b/$@?” kind of attitude from the wife of a pro-golfer. She has basically made him leave out his own family all the time and her family gets the family treatment during tournaments. Worse though is that she does the same and takes her child away from the paternal grandparents. I don’t understand it.

        I realized a lot of people can relate based on the Twitter response. It’s really terrible that it’s all too common for many of us.

        Like

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