Self-limiting beliefs

I’m attending the Finance Indaba Africa today and tomorrow, courtesy of ACCA (Association of Chartered Certified Accountants).

An INDABA is a South African word which simply means a discussion or conference.

I felt an almost desperate need to attend the conference as I’ve often wondered whether Finance is meant for me. When I set out early this year that 2016 is when I am growing up properly, I earnestly hoped, and I still do, that before the year ends I would know what I want to be, for real. I can then be that from now until I retire or leave this earth. Fortunately, my boss was his generous self, the one in a love relationship with me as opposed to the slightly unreasonable one who’s in a hate relationship with me.

labels and stereotypes

As I was leaving the house, I was a little unsure if I was dressed the part – black stretchy tight pants and red and black spaghetti strap tops (layered). I had in my head that Accountants / Finance folks wear suits only. The problem is that I no longer have suits. I left my job that required me to keep the corporate look 6 years ago. Then, I put on weight a couple of years later. It has not bothered me much because where I work, an SME (Small Medium Enterprise), is an extremely casual environment. I did carry my suit jacket even if my husband said that it would not be necessary because our day temperature is at least 30⁰C presently.

lies I consider truths

By lunch time, as I sit in the open area eating my chicken prego roll and watching my fellow finance people walk up and down, I had an aha moment. It dawned on me that I am still harboring 2 self-limiting beliefs.

1. I believe I can only be either an artistic creative writer or a serious boring Accountant
2. I am so deep into label and stereotype that I have a “look” for every “occupation”

While I may have subconsciously repressed the belief that I cannot have both the technical and artistic me, I think that I’ve always suspected that I label people according to job or career and/or financial status.

I am acknowledging my shortcomings. I am accepting that these are not good characteristics to have. Both self-limiting beliefs do not serve me and must therefore get out of my system.

self-confidence vs self-worth

I discovered over 10 years ago that I suffered from the feeling of inadequacy since childhood and started working on this issue from then on.  However, lack of self-worth isn’t a simple matter to fix.

I may have been able to gain self-confidence but worth is bigger than confidence. I honestly believe that qualification, experience, skills and talent boost confidence. I find it effortless to be the self-assured manager or executive or professional because I can back it up.

Worth is something that makes me like me no matter what. I don’t think it’s that which makes me love me unconditionally. I do believe that I love myself above all – self first, understanding the virtue of selfishness (by Ayn Rand) – so I am convinced that I have self-love. But, having grown up with the mentality of “achievement equals love” , there is a huge probability that I love me when I do well, where I am useful. I do like career-person-me…

creatively artistic accountant / technically analytical writer

I must find my self-worth and I must find it soon. I do reckon that once I live my life with self-worth, I will no longer doubt my ability to be both the serious professional and creative artist simultaneously and I will not have to give one up for the other. I do enjoy what I do for a living. With digitization of work and digitalization of industries, our field is beginning to look exciting. Soon, this Accountant, with other Accountants, won’t just be “counting beans” anymore. The future looks bright and promising.

At the same time, I will continue to write. And blog. I love writing. I truly do.

labels no more

As for stereotyping, I promise to pay attention to my thoughts. I endeavor to stop and correct when my mind starts to label. I did see today that we, finance people, are not uniformly packaged.