Rewind, early 20s in the 90s
What am I supposed to do when my boyfriend refuses to promise? What must I do when commitment is missing from our relationship? What if this promise to stay true despite the distance is what my heart cries for? Will I be finally happy when he swears eternal love? But then, how do I know that he will keep his promise? I won’t know for sure. If he promises and breaks it, what do I do then?
I am left with the greatest dilemma of my life; –
- to ask or not to ask for a promise?
- to make or not make a promise?
I am often a witness to words not given seriously and that makes me consider this seriously. Upon deeper introspection, it seems pretty clear that it is an easy choice, for me anyway. None of us needs to swear by anything and we don’t want anyone to promise us anything. A promise increases expectations. Expectations can cause anxiety. Anxiety causes doubt. Not necessarily, I know but it does happen.
I prefer “no promises” to broken ones. Some of us make promises we don’t mean. Some of us persuade others to commit to us. They give their commitment to make us shut up. And we get all excited for nothing. Thank you, but no, thank you. I would rather not have any expectation and have a wonderful surprise.
Perhaps I am just scared. Without the promise of commitment, the heartbreak, if and when it does happen, will not look so much like a betrayal and thus, won’t hurt as much. Rather give me fate to lead me. I have no problem believing destiny. I firmly believe that if something is meant to be and we are true, promises are not necessary. It is true for me. Therefore, despite the absence of promises, I have peace in my heart. The faith in me is strong enough to withstand anything that may ensue.
What do we do though when a promise made is broken? We feel the pain, we deal with this reality, accept it and let go, knowing that it does not mean the end of our world. A broken promise is never an end to hope. There are worse things in this world. There are also those blessings in disguise and a broken promise could be it. For me, the only promise I make is to be true to myself and I want the same from my partner. The possibilities are endless even when we lose something, something better can be gained – a cliché that holds truth to it.