I refuse to believe in the existence of the impossible. Even Tom Cruise’s movie is ‘Mission: Impossible’ and he accomplished the impossible missions which rendered the impossible actually possible.
The quickest way out of a situation I am not keen about is to say it is impossible. I can make a list of all the reasons why it is impossible. Certainly not as time-consuming as having to do what I don’t want to do. However, I’m a sucker for challenges so I’m often intrigued and I am easily convinced of the possibility of anything. I am disinclined to tempt regrets and I dislike the idea of a surrender without a fight. I prepare my suit of armor and sword and off I go to my ‘Mission: Impossible’! I can spend hours and days, weeks and months, determined to return with a gleeful victory, and I sometimes don’t see that the cost of the fight is not worth the time, energy and effort.
Many years ago, I realized that for a long time already I felt no fulfillment in my career. I would initially start a new job with much enthusiasm and the challenges of new learning would fire me up. Unfortunately for me, being in the field of Finance and Administration, work was bound to be routine and boredom would haunt me. It seemed as though my career was stagnating. I moved from one division to the next, one company to another and an industry to industry. I kept on searching for the perfect job. Almost ten years of change of employment, I had to admit that, although I was excellent at what I did, it was not my passion perhaps. I came across the words of Agnes de Mille and took them as addressed to me. “Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how… The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.”
I took on a new challenge and risked not having a stable monthly income. I started my own company, guided by what I believed were brilliant concepts and the right vision. I had faith in what I could accomplish. Armed with the little knowledge shared with me by my friends in the advertising industry, my extrovert-self did the rest of the work. Accepting that I had much to learn, I was open with the clients and they were very accommodating and helpful. That also served as my reality-check. But, I confident that that I could make it work. At the end of the first six months of operations I believed that we had built an almost impeccable reputation for reliability, professionalism and ease to work with. Our existing client base started referring both artists and clients (production houses and advertising agencies) to us. There were things to learn still and capital to recover but it was possible. I did not let initial setbacks, lack of experience and little knowledge of the industry to serve as obstacles. I felt like I could do anything. The possibilities seemed endless. I only reminded myself not to get bored.
Despite having gone back to the corporate world and then left again to pursue entrepreneurship with other friends, I am certain that my belief in the possible led me to where I am now. I may still have a lot I would like accomplish and every day is an opportunity to learn and grow, I feel satisfied with the present. I am able to have gratitude which leads me to more that I can appreciate.
However, there were indeed those that needed to be given up, like my first marriage. Even before I married my first husband, I was not sure that getting married was the right thing to do at the time or the right time to get married. I got pregnant though. There were a few choices available: abortion, child out of wedlock (a second for me), marriage. Each one had its repercussions. Abortion was not an option for us and having two wonderful and beautiful but illegitimate children was not an attractive choice for me. I suppose we wanted to be legal and legitimate so we married in a hurry. A year and a gorgeous baby later, the married life had turned dull and grey. Slowly, the in-love phase faded to obscurity. By the end of the second year, I foolishly informed my husband that I no longer loved him as a wife did but there was definitely a sisterly love. I thought maybe it was best for us to get divorced. That was tactless of me! But I did retract my words, if that helps – not! He had his first affair, with a married girl, who eventually got a divorce as a result of her indiscretion. I admired her ex-husband. I was a coward. I asked my husband for reconciliation. I said that it was possible for us to work things out. True, if only for a short time. The following year, he started his affair with a very young single girl. I lost it. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself. I just would not give up my marriage. I couldn’t see a future worth living after a failed marriage. I must have been a real psycho for wanting to stay in that miserable state of being, for the sake of the possibility of repairing a broken trust? Lucky for me, he filed for divorce.
That was almost 18 years ago and it was for the best. I am thankful for his courage to let go of our marriage. He saw another possibility. I thought it was impossible for me to go on. It was only when I was pushed to my limit, to the edge of my cliff, that I saw the absolute possibility of feeling the pain, letting go, healing and recovering and finally moving on to a better space. All I needed then were positive energies and thoughts to guide me along the way. It was not plain sailing to remain optimistic at all times. I anticipated it though so my mind processed the probable consequences of self-pity and pessimistic thinking and attitude. It was not an option for me. Being positive held unlimited possibilities and I wanted my share of the blessings and the miracles as much as I longed to really live again so I hang on to faith.
There is no other choice but to be positive about the possibilities and believe that it is possible to be always positive.
I am still writing. It is a ‘Mission: Impossible’ of mine, with a few more…
And, overall, my life is just fine! As Henry Ford says, “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.”