Thoughts

My Easter 2016

Children, Praying, God

I’m not a first time mother but it’s only now that I feel a strong maternal feeling, albeit understandably, I guess.

I had my eldest child 2 weeks after I wrote my last final exams in university. She didn’t grow up with me. In fact, she grew up believing that we were sisters. We only told her the truth a day or two before she turned 18, on her real birthday. She had celebrated a fake birthday all her life, except for her first which we celebrated on both birthdays, with the real one privately with the family alone. We didn’t even live in the same country except for maybe two years of her life. We live farther apart now, in different continents.

Children 1&2

 I was a young mother to my son, my second child. When I wasn’t determined, very brave and invincible, I wasn’t embarrassed to choose the fun and easy life so I had no problem sending my son to live either with his father or with my parents for a few months at a time when I found the responsibility an enormous challenge. He was a toddler and I was a bit of a wreck and lost. I think I wasn’t too attached to him as well so having him living apart from me was not an issue. Thinking back, he seemed to be an easy-going child, too, which made motherhood easier for me.

I gave birth to my youngest child 4 days after I turned 40. She gave me the roughest time. While I only needed gas to take the pain away while giving birth to my son and an epidural was sufficient during the delivery of my firstborn, this little princess forced me to have an emergency Caesarean section after a whole night of labor because she refused to come down and come out on her own. Maybe I was too old to be pregnant and I was not active during my pregnancy. Now, imagine having a cut across your belly in winter!

Child03

Fast forward to almost 4 years later and I managed to cut her nails while she’s awake for the first time today. Before today, I could only cut her nails while she was asleep.

If only she had a normal sleeping pattern like all other toddlers! I am seriously thinking that I need the help of a professional to cure her inability to sleep before 9pm so she can wake up between 6am and 7am.

But there is this huge problem I have with her–the crying while washing her hair! It would have been a small concern if she sobbed but she cries hysterically. My heart actually breaks when I hear her cry the way she does. I can’t help but pray right there and then that washing her hair is the only thing that will cause that shrieking cry, ever! Then, I don’t mind hearing her cry like that every day. Even just a passing thought of anything bad that exists in the world which might come our way is enough to send shivers down my spine. I can’t help but wish that I can hold her 24/7 and protect her from evil forever.

Reality is that the world has a lot of evil as much as it has a lot of good.

The truth is that I cannot protect her all the time, not literally anyway.

So, I pray! I pray hard. And I pray more and harder. In my heart, there is nothing more I want and pray for but her safety, peace of mind and happiness. I pray for my other children, too, of course. I pray for all my loved ones.

Easter'16 03

The need and desire for me and all the people I love to be always safe and have peace in our hearts is that one thing that keeps me believing that God exists. If there were no God, fear will take over and stop me from living.

An atheist may find nothing wrong with his life without God. That’s cool… for him, that is. Not for me. I may forget to acknowledge God, His existence and the power He has in my life as I get busy and arrogant but I know in my heart that God is He who watches over me and the people I love.

God is what is good in my life. He brings the good to me and my special people. He keeps the bad away from us.

I pray that we all remember the true reason and spirit of Easter. God did not send His only Son to die on the cross that Friday over 2000 years ago for the Resurrection on Easter Sunday to be commemorated by bunnies and chocolate eggs.

We are blessed because God, who is always with us, blesses us.

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